You have your tree-trimming parties, your office parties, your family dinners, your Nutcrackers, your pretentious cocktail parties masquerading as fundraisers, your cookie exchange parties, your ugly sweater parties – then, you have the Going Out parties. And for those, you need a Going Out Outfit. Say that five times fast.
[For those other parties, check out parts I and II of the 2019 Holiday Lookbook]
Just this Saturday, I found myself bouncing from one Christmas party to another, and eventually ended up in a club in the Castro where we nearly got into a fight over a spilled drink, broken glass, and Gucci sneakers under a flashing blacklight and in the shadow of speedo-clad go-go dancers. Never fear, no punches were thrown, and we ended up shutting the place down – a good time had by all (minus those sneakers, haha).
Whether it’s New Year’s Eve or club-hopping in the name of Baby Jesus’s birthday or to honor the Maccabees, you might be in the need of some “going out” attire. It’s interesting, this whole category of “going out outfits” – no one will come out and say what it really is: hoochie mama clothes.
Ode to the Hoochie Dress
On most women’s clothing websites, they have this cute category under “dresses” for “going out dresses,” like all the other dresses are for “staying in.” What they really mean are the “give a bird to your ex” dresses, the “I’m going to remind you how much you want me” dresses, the “I’m going to remind myself how hot I am” dresses, the “I’m going to dance with my friends and don’t you dare hit on me” dresses, or the not necessarily contrary, often times parallel, “I’ll let you pay for my drink as long as you don’t touch me” dresses. Or, for those single folks out there, the “hell yes I’ll go home with you” dress. You won’t find any judgement from me, much less from whatever hot dress you’re wearing. Be safe and you do YOU.
I always remember one of my best friends’ moms saying to us in college that feminism didn’t have to clash with the fact that “sometimes you still freeze your butt off in hoochie clothes for a boy” (or for, I might add, whomever you’re hooching it up for, be it you or another human). It felt like this moment of solidarity, that you can be a curious, interesting, kind, ambitious person and still like to wear something firey every now and then. Just to add another dimension, this woman speaks multiple languages, taught college-level English lit (even though English is her second language), holds advanced degrees, and STILL to this very day sends me care packages. We contain MULTITUDES, no?
So you want to wear a hoochie dress? Wear that hoochie dress. Even if that website wants to gloss it over by calling it a “going out” dress. And to be TOTALLY transparent, I avoided calling the “going out outfit” a “hoochie dress” because my Search Engine Optimization program would lose it’s f-ing mind. Hypocrisy noted.
Things to keep in mind:
- Fit: as always, fit is the key to feeling like you’re put together. I strongly suggest shapewear – regardless of your body type – because it acts as a primer between you and your dress. The ideal length for a minidress normally comes at the tips of your fingers when your arms are down – short, hitting you at an oddly complimentary point on your thighs, while not showing your dumps (“dumps,” I just learned, are the creases between your butt and your thighs. Early 2000’s music finally makes sense to me).
- Walk it in it before you commit to it. Better yet, dance in it – does the dress ride up? If you’re wearing shapewear shorts, will that help? Can you sit comfortably?
- Comfort: are you comfortable? I don’t necessarily mean “does this skintight dress feel like pj’s” – no, I mean, how do you feel? In my opinion, this is what hoochie dresses are all about. YOU. Not what some rando at the bar thinks (because he’s going to tell you about the app he’s developing and planning on selling for millions, no matter what), not what your significant other thinks, not what your bestie thinks: YOU. Do you feel good? If not, keep looking.
Going Out Outfit Tips and Practical Matters
A note about the cold – you don’t necessarily have to freeze your butt off in your going out dress. Most places have coat check! Bring a few bucks in cash with you, as most coat checks only accept cash and/or you may want to tip.
I highly recommend Sally Hansen’s Airbrush Legs, which you can spray all over your body to give yourself a bit of a glow. My mom first introduced it to me, and it’s golden – most of the big Brazilian fashion bloggers use it, for good reason. It comes out of the can ORANGE as all hell, but don’t fret – rub it in quickly, and the orange tone will dissipate. It is sparkly, just FYI, and for the most part it won’t rub off after it dries. Def wash your hands after you rub it in, otherwise you’ll look like you massage oompa loompas for a living.
Boob tape – I’ve talked about that at length here. It will bring your anxiety down 50%. Or something.
Extra cell phone battery: nothing strikes the fear of God in you more than having to call a Lyft after you’ve had a few drinks in your five-inch stilettos miles from home and you realize that your phone is almost on empty. Get yourself a small spare battery and stay SAFE!
Also, remember that just because you’re wearing something “sexy” doesn’t give any person EVER permission to make unwanted advances. Feel free to stand your ground, use your noggin, and call your buds for backup if need be. Or, better yet, call security. I’ve been called a b*tch and worse for not responding “correctly” to guys in clubs, and frankly I’m at a point where I don’t care what they think of me, positively or otherwise. I’m not there for them, I’m there for myself and my friends. I’ve also learned that I’m scrappy AF, so I’m not afraid to tick people off. Live and learn, right?
On shapewear: As I said in my last post, I’m collecting people’s shapewear tips and questions! So drop me a line if you’d like to contribute.
I wish you a fun and safe holiday season, surrounded by people you love!
love,
Stig
PS. Thanks again to Allyson Kardel for letting us use her home for these photos!
