Just like that, it’s December. We have a COVID vaccine on the horizon, we’ve evicted the clown from the White House, and twelve major retailers have signed the Fifteen Percent Pledge (more on that in this post). Still, it’s been a rough one for most of us, and it seems that everywhere on social media there’s this strange anticipation that after the clock strikes midnight on January 1st, 2021, all of this will be behind us.
I get it – the New Year is a milestone for many, marking the start of something fresh. Something innocent, almost.
But here’s the rub – and buckle up for some no-nonsense Stig talk – from life experience I know that shittiness has no expiration date. Shittiness smears itself wherever it damn well pleases. And the giant poopy diaper that 2020 so scrupulously created will not miraculously self-destruct at midnight on the 31st. That’s just how life works.
I have to stop here and laugh a bit, because isn’t this just the most ridiculous way to start a post on a fashion blog? Yikes! If you’re new here, welcome, and stick around if you can bear it. It gets better, I promise.
You see, the human brain loves to impose artificial order on the world around it. It’s helpful – it gives us a sense of peace, predictability, helps us to problem-solve. That’s huge. But at a certain point of chaos, when the outside world seems to act against all the rules we’ve given it (as if we ever set the rules in the first place), the reality hits us that maybe we don’t have it under control after all.
DING DING DING! You got it. We have very little control of anything – hence the genius of the Serenity Prayer. We’ve seen our routines upended, our sense of political propriety stripped, any lingering faith in American institutions adulterated. At times this year we’ve been unable to see the ones we love, to participate in activities that bring us joy. Hundreds of thousands of people have died from COVID. There’s so much loss there, and I think mourning that is important, no matter the scale of grief.
AND!
There’s always an “and.”
The only thing we can do, as my mother has always said, is the best with what you’ve got.
On Stig: Dress by Katie May (rent here, buy similar on sale here)
That’s the line that kept coming to me when I looked at these photos I took with my sister in November, before the lockdown was re-imposed. This was Night II of our four-evening opera at home extravaganza, when we dressed up, poured some wine, ate take-out, and watched opera from the Met’s streaming service. We were operating in this odd pandemic landscape where we really couldn’t go out and do much, even under relaxed stay-at-home orders. The lighting was near-catastrophic for blog-quality photos, we were short on time, and usually moody because we waited too long to have dinner. And we still had a blast.
Our Glam at Home photos, as we came to call them, so represent the spirit of our times. We just need to do the best with what we’ve got and find happiness where and when we can. But how?
How to Do the Best with What You’ve Got
Here are some things I’ve noticed that help. None of them are particularly easy. They’re habits, ones that I haven’t necessarily mastered, but ones that even done poorly can CHANGE YOUR DAY. Add up those changed days and you have a life that looks pretty different.
- Just like your standards in the Freshman-in-college dating scene, keep your expectations low and loose. Your productivity is bound to be different than what it was pre-pandemic. It may have wild swings, or may be generally just low. It’s ok. It’s not just you. And it’ll probably stay wonky for a long time, even after things “get back to normal,” whenever that may be. Routines take a long time to get in and out of.
- Focus on the process, not the result. This applies broadly, whether you’re scrubbing the toilet, bathing after X days of avoiding it, tackling a work project, whatever. Be where you are. Focusing on ticking boxes that you may not have the capacity to tick right now is an exercise in failure and depression. Instead of box-ticking, do the cheesy hippy granola thing and breathe into whatever you’re doing. The process matters more than the outcome.
- Ditch the perfectionism. In our culture, we hold this trait as dear. It is not. Perfectionism is Satan’s version of fluffy pink love shackles and finding the key is a real bitch. Don’t fall for it, not under normal conditions and definitely not now when resources are scarce, energy is sated, and we all feel a little (or a lot) wonky. Perfection is artificial, life is not. So embrace the messiness of life.
- Just because you feel shitty doesn’t mean you ARE shitty. Unless your name is Mitch McConnell, there’s a good chance you’re not shitty at all. There’s a very good chance that you have a beautiful, soft heart that is doing the damn best it can. Feelings are transitory. Your value is not.
- Embrace all things SILLY. This one is hard for me, as I tend to take myself Very Seriously. Laugh at your own expense when you do something dorky (I just lost a fake nail in the Crisper of our refrigerator and found it hilarious). Play with your kids or your dog or fight your significant other in an effort to pull that annoying AF booger out of their nose. You may find your little heart wanting to go on Stupid Expeditions, like my recent and failed hunt for ThanksNuggets. Indulge it. Listen to yourself. You’ll know when the right moment has come to change course and do Grown-Up Things like flossing and taking out the recycling. Trust that.
We’ve been at this pandemic thing for awhile now, and there’s a good chance you’re already doing these things. Give yourself some props! It’s hard!!
What would you add?
love,
Stig.
