Last week, we talked a bit about how the Greeks had (at least) seven words for love. With the launch of the blog, it feels like forever ago, but here we are at almost one week old, oiling up the old typing fingers to talk about love. Ooh lala.
We touched a bit on Eros last week, but to be honest, Nick Carter just isn’t doing it for me anymore (nothing against you, Nick, but a person has to move on someday). Thankfully, things have matured, deepened, and I’ve seen things grown.
On Cupid and Mythology
Only now realizing all the potential OK Cupid jokes I could have made. Oh no, so much FOMO.
When I think about Eros, Cupid to the Romans, I think of that bare-cheeked, bare everything dude with wings and that GD bow and arrow. Then I think of chocolate because, you know, Valentine’s Day and all that.
So obviously there is a lot more to the story. The Greeks have a few different origin stories of our bare-bunned friend, but the one I like the most is that he is the son of one of the “primordial” creation gods, Chaos. I love that Chaos has a place here. That is just so true to life.
Anyhow, having Eros be the son of one of the OG gods implies that he, and therefore what he symbolizes, is a part of the fabric of creation. And he symbolizes love. Like silk-sheets, mirror-on-the-ceiling, Netflix and chill, you up?, love. And the stare-into-the-other-person’s-eyes-for-hours type of love, the snuggly love, the zesty love, just, you know … that Jack and Rose love.
The myth recognizes that for most people, this sort of love comes naturally. It often starts early in life, as a – cough cough – crush, for example. It just seems to happen.
The Greeks, being the great observers of the human condition that they were, knew this. The crazy impulse that happens can make us feel out of control, hence their depiction of a winged, naked, maniac with a love-poisoned bow and arrow firing at random.
And I get it. I’ve been there (no, not with Nick) and it is amazing, exhausting, terrifying, and life-giving. And if it’s the real deal, there’s a deeper element to it that allows you to see each other in an incredibly pure light. There’s nothing like it.
But it isn’t, not by FAR, the most that love has to offer us.
Eros for Mere Mortals
We have to remember that eros is not, and shouldn’t be, the only type of love we experience. Our culture teaches us that we deserve that butterflies-in-your-stomach love, and that’s it. If that zest and passion go away, then our relationship has broken.
I am here to tell you NO. Love is bigger than the butterflies-in-the-stomach, endorphine-filled ecstasy that we hear about on pop radio. If that is what we gauge the quality of our relationship on, then we are setting ourselves up for disappointment every. Time.
This is NOT to say that you shouldn’t enjoy that feeling. When it comes, enjoy it! It is a beautiful part of living!
Real, lasting love is way bigger than that. Love in its totality is made of many different faces, ones that should be at the table in a healthy relationship. It cannot be all eros, all the time.
Life takes us to unexpected places. Sometimes we find ourselves in the crapper – and there love is, with us. Other times we experience a joy so intense that we nearly disintegrate, and love is with us then. Most of the time, we’re doing daily life things. Washing dishes, going to work – and there’s love to be shared in that, too. I think this is why the Greeks had so many words for love, because it wears so many different costumes in our lives.
Can eros be deep? OF COURSE! It just can’t be ”on” all the time.
Psyche
So who was the god Eros’s great love? Psyche, a human woman who was eventually made a goddess. Her name is the same word for butterfly and, not coincidentally, for spirit. She symbolizes the human soul, and Eros, romantic love. He didn’t fall for her appearance, but for all of her humanity. And humanity is a mess. I think this was meant to teach us the elemental value of love, how it’s part of our essence. Cool, right?
The Fireplace
A friend once gave me a metaphor that helped me conceptualize all the different faces of lasting love and normalize the fact the eros is not always active. Imagine a house with many rooms. It has to have a foundation, walls, a roof, furniture, etc to create a real home. But also, it has to have heat, so it has a fireplace.
The fireplace is part of the structure of the house. It is literally built into the walls. Sometimes it can heat a room, or sometimes the whole house. Sometimes, there are nothing but embers, and sometimes there is nothing in there at all. But the structure is still there.
That’s how I imagine eros, a fireplace that isn’t always lit. There are days where it is hot as hell, and others were it’s taking a break. On those break days, you can still love and take care of and explore the house that you’re in and all that it has to offer. There is still a lot to discover, new corners that you didn’t realize existed. And soon you’ll walk back to that fireplace, feeling it’s warmth again, and be grateful. But if there isn’t fire at the hearth, it doesn’t mean that the house is broken.
This is why I think it’s so important to talk about the different types of love, because it normalizes our relationships, romantic or not. There are so many elements at work, none more important than the other.
What do you think of the fireplace metaphor? Yay or nay?
Stay tuned for next week’s article, where we talk about word number two: Phiia!
love
Stig.
