Hi there! Today I’m writing from my mother-in-law’s house in Goiânia, Brazil, surrounded by family, heat, tropical rain and thunder, and lots and lots of joy. It’s the perfect day to be writing about the seventh and final installment of our Greek Words for Love series: agape.
Philia, storge, philautia, eros, ludus, pragma – they all come from the same source. Unconditional love (I mean, duh).
Agape is the love of humanity, it’s sacrificial, divine, and given/received voluntarily. In the Jewish and Christian traditions (in Islam, the word is mahabba, although the meaning is the same), it’s the source of God’s love. Jesus is the perfect example of agape: the perfect and complete act of loving your neighbor.
Agape Nowadays
Sometimes it seems that agape is a rarity nowadays. Even so, I see pieces of it here and there, even more so now that I’m traveling and out and about. There are hugs, kisses, kind gestures and words, everywhere I look. And just like anything else, what you seek is what you’ll find.
You know the movie Love, Actually? Remember how Hugh Grant’s character, when he feels those overpowering waves of disappointment that come with dealing with people (we’re the worst!), he goes to the arrivals gate at the Heathrow airport? There he can see every type of love playing out in plain view – love between parents and kids, couples, old friends, new friends, you can see it all. That gives him new faith in people.
The truth is, yes, there’s a lot of shitty things in the world. I routinely cry at the news nowadays. I get so angry and disappointed at how we treat each other (I repeat, we are the WORST).
But when I feel that sickness coming, that condition of seeing only the bad in the world, I try to remind myself of two things:
- Goodness IS. And it comes in the form of agape. I just need to open my eyes.
- I can, in my own imperfect form, bring agape to life around me.
Opening Our Eyes
In many ways, it’s easier now than ever to see agape. That’s what YouTube is for! Seriously. If you’re feeling down, do a search for random acts of kindness and I promise you, your day will improve. I for one cry ugly tears at these videos. It’s a family trait. I can’t help it!
Also, and perhaps more importantly, take a look a the relationships in your life. Even if they don’t feel 100% perfect, even if they have resentment or obligations, most of the time there is a kernel of love in there. It’s a part of our DNA. We’re programmed to need love.
Failure to thrive – that bucket term that physicians use when a baby withers away. There are a variety of reasons this can happen, but talk to people who work with infants and they’ll tell you that many times a baby will pass away when it is starved of love.
Likewise, how many examples can you think of elderly couples, when one dies and within a year or two, the other goes?
It’s that agape that connects us to life. It’s cheezy because it’s true.
Brown Bag Lunch your Agape
Bring your own agape to life. Pack it up and share it.
You know that now trite Gandhi quote, “be the change you want to see in the world”? When we see that the world around us is lacking in care, we can create our own. It’s ok if it’s not some huge act – a smile, a kind word, a bit of understanding can change everything. Even if for a moment.
The best remedy for that disappointment in humanity is the love we give and receive.
Got it? I said give AND receive. None of that “I give love but won’t accept a kind word from anybody” bullshit. As we say in the family, get off the cross, we need the wood (also, if you’re thinking of the Jesus reference, he was very good at receiving affection, so don’t use Him as an accuse). If you refuse to receive someone’s kindness, you are robbing them of one of the most precious gifts we have in life – the joy of sharing kindness with each other. Capice?
At the same time, open the door to giving. It’s ok – the love won’t dry up. The more you use it, the bigger it grows, and the more YOU you’ll feel.
If you don’t allow the free exchange of giving and receiving, you will wither away. Jealousy, resentment, envy, and pride will take over. I’m thinking like a Smiegol to Golum transition, but you can use whatever mental imagery works for you.
The more you recognize the love in your life, the more you’ll feel, and the more you’ll give. I suppose this is the root of gratitude.
As for me, I’m grateful that you come here to read the blog. I pour so much love into it, and it means the world that you take the time to read. Really.
And you, how does agape play into your life?
Love
Stig.
